Taste Treats

Fascinating Site

2010-03-11T23:44:00.007-06:00

It's a blog about small pets. A small dog, web log, if you will!

Here.

I'm tired of ATMs only offering me my monies in denominations of twenty

2008-03-19T22:09:00.003-05:00

A change of pace from the tried and tired ATMs of yesteryear. Our latest model dispenses client's money in haphazard, mixed change denominations. Each ATM is equipped with a rotating red light, siren, and metal catchment...designed to turn typical transactions into a rewarding occasion.

"Dust off those cargo pants! Transactions begin as low as $20."

The Going Out of Business Store

2008-03-16T12:27:00.003-05:00

Twenty-three years ago Jack Were opened the doors to his first business. Working for ten years in clothing retail and eight years in shoe retail at various outlets, Mr. Were knew the benefit of selling quality products at low prices. When it came to starting up a place of his own, he used this knowledge to create a store that could leverage the power of the sale and the quality of the brands that it sold.

So what advice does Mr. Were have after twenty-three years of running his own business?

"Oh, I'm no expert in retail advice. What I can tell you is that my store, Were Going out of Business Sale, has seen a steady flow of bargain shoppers and repeat customers ever since we opened our doors. I can only attribute that to a wide selection of top-notch goods all at a reasonable price and magic."

Futuriskey: Tomorrow's Whiskey Today

2008-03-03T13:50:00.010-06:00

Futuriskey is the newest beverage to take the liquor market by storm. Each batch is painstakingly machine-made, canned and shipped out globally. Our most popular variety, the 25 Year, has a full body with a subtle metallic-oak flavor and a handful of earthy tones. This state-of-the-art taste is housed in an equally sophisticated canister. Made from 100% beverage-grade aluminum, it is easily capable of being chilled and comes in a handy fridge-friendly 12-pack.

"Tired of paying extra for bottles of whiskey already aged for you? Don't wait to drink the future's 25 year old whiskey!"

Online Game: SimWebsite

2008-02-29T15:39:00.006-06:00

Aspiring digital mavens, tycoons, and webmasters needn't wait any longer - we have the game for you: the latest addition to the simulation game crowd, SimWebsite, will have them building their very own online empire online.

Game Features:

Choose from a variety of website categories including social network, video site, aggregator, search engine, and even blog
Utilize content, design, developing, and advertising to increase your site's traffic
View site statistics and user trends to determine what facets of your site need improvement
Tackle various "virtual dilemmas" like hackers, server outages, user revolts, and more

"Build a website the way you've always wanted and watch it grow! Become a master of the web all from the comfort of your very own home. Visit our website to build your website, online, TODAY!!"

Dr. Lucky's Creative Electrolysis

2008-02-27T09:33:00.006-06:00

When your Flickr account dries up, your pants can't get any tighter, and your tattoos are blending into the skinscape of greater Williamsburg, it's time to up the ante.

For the discerning expressionist seeking more than a mid 90s goatee or the Iron-and-Wine Beard, Dr. Lucky has a solution.

Our patented creative electrolysis process combines facial hair destruction and total-body-hair transplant to create a hair pattern uniquely yours.

A bottom-lip mustache? No problem. Vertical tear-trail beard? In less than an hour.

Our only boundary is your imagination!

Call for a free cancelltation: 1-900-MAN-FACE.

Credit Card Credit Card

2008-02-26T09:32:00.009-06:00

Introducing the American Expense Black Hole Card. The first card designed specifically for balance transfers.

Why bother paying off the tens of thousands in credit debt you've accumulated? After all, you were never one to live within your means. Simply transfer the balance of your 11 other credit cards to your Black Hole Card, and go mindlessly about your exaggerated and financially dishonest lifestyle.

Call now or visit our website: www.nowitsallofamericascreditcrisis.com

*0% APR financing expires upon enrollment. May lead to complete, international economic destruction. All rights reserved.

Our Final Chapter

2008-02-25T22:49:00.010-06:00

Earth's doomsday occurs millions of years before the first extraterrestrials arrive. The widespread devistation of all-out nuclear war leaves our planet devoid of nearly everything. There is no life of any kind left, the atmosphere is gone, and the Moon is now just an orbiting cloud of dust and debris. The new visitors arrive carrying a golden record expecting to find the beings who created it. Instead, the giant dead rock provides a few scant clues to the past. One thing, in particular, is a small box containing what appears to be a smaller record, silver in color and made out of plastic.

Plot: The only traces of humankind left behind after total annihilation are sparse ruins and the first season of the mid 90s underwater hit seaQuest DSV. Aliens who visit Earth are left to piece together and discover a dark and tragic past through 1096 minutes of action-packed primetime television. A hilarious and touching story of hidden eloquence, false pasts, and unlikely heros.

Directed by: Terry Gilliam

Starring:
Steve Buscemi as an alien
Tommy Lee Jones as an alien
Martha Plimpton as an alien
Sarah Jessica Parker as an alien
and
Danny DeVito as the alien child

"Beneath the surface lies the future's past."

Medical Waste Playground

2008-02-14T10:06:00.005-06:00

The United States generates hundreds of thousands of tons of medical waste monthly. This includes sharp objects, such as syringes, scalpels, and catheters as well as bodily fluids, disease cultures, and "human tissue waste."

When I was a kid, we had sand as cushioning at our playground. Now that our beaches have eroded, we've turned to mulch or rubber. In our current carbon-obsessed world, these organic and fuel-based paddings will no longer suffice.

Let's kill two birds with one stone: prevent our medical waste from ending up somewhere it could be dangerous, like Coney Island, while protecting our children and preventing them from generating yet more garbage at a hospital if/when they fall.

The Reading Chamber

2008-02-09T23:28:00.001-06:00

Hidden away from the bustle of your busy life, this quaint little lounge offers a a wide collection used books for patrons to read while enjoying any one of their deliciously overpriced drinks. All of the books at The Reading Chamber are donated, forgotten, or discarded by customers. So come in during the morning for coffee and stay the night over wine or whiskey. Just make sure you don't get too caught up in your book because they close at 2:00 AM and you have to leave the books there.

Weekly Specials:
Monday - Study Hour - Cheap ass pitchers of shitty beer
Tuesday - War and Peace (Tolstoy Tuesdays) - 2 for 1 vodka shots
Wednesday - Sea Tales - Top shelf rum specials
Thursday - Bad Romances - 1/2 priced bottles of wine
Friday - Fiction Freedom - 5 Glass whiskey flights

Word of the Day

2008-02-07T15:00:00.001-06:00

Definition: The quality or state of being overall.

The Firefighter - Urinal

2008-01-28T21:17:00.000-06:00

Boredom during the usual micturition is finally a thing of the past. With the all-new Firefighter, tiny flames inside the bowl of the urinal stay lit until patrons extinguish them. Upon flushing, the bowl will relight itself for the next gentleman. As an added bonus, the ambient light from the urinal can act as a mood light for any dimly lit restrooms.

"Are you up to the challenge!?! Grab your hose and show that blazing adversary who's boss."

Felatofil

2008-01-25T11:21:00.000-06:00

For treatment of erectile sensitivity and hardening.

Directions: Apply directly to the penis, beginning at the tip and working gradually down to the base. Increase vigor. Incorporate testicles if possible. Continue until satisfied.

Side Effects: Felatofil has been show to cause testicular and penile discharge. Other side effects include extreme drowsiness and disinterest in affection. In the event of an erection lasting longer than four hours, consider high-fiving your partner.

Do not mix Felatofil with excessive alcohol. This diminishes the drug's effects, and may result in scarring of the ego.

For further information, please visit out site, or ask a professional for advice.

The Styles of Our Times

2008-01-23T14:57:00.000-06:00

More and more these days, I see trend-setters sporting what is destined to become THE fashion icon of the early 21st century:

The Bonnet.

What is it about the bonnet that attracts today's movers and shakers? Elegant simplicity? Sapped sexuality? Perhaps it's the way it makes them each appear as a small penis would, if it had a mouth, eyes, and an audience of devoted followers.

Spam Griefing Website

2008-01-17T14:34:00.000-06:00

Whether you just failed a test, got fired, were convicted of shoplifting from a Swarovski store, got dumped, or are just a malicious asshole, this is the website for you. They say revenge is a dish best served cold, so endure that 5-day background check by getting your false retribution started right away.

Simply enter your victim's personal email address and the site will automatically submit it to a continuously updating list of promoters, companies, and spammers. Within a few days their inbox will be so cluttered they'll have to spend an entire day sifting through emails. They'll get a variety of emails from various places. Everything from Banana Republic, Capital One, fake watch sellers, and "growth" pill companies to the Avril Lavinge fan club and Nigerian Bankers who are in need of their help.

Just try and unsubscribe from 10,000 mailing lists.

Use with caution:
www.sendthemspam.com

The Unfortunate

2008-01-17T09:01:00.000-06:00

Scientists have already begun tinkering with animal DNA, inserting pieces of human DNA with the hopes of creating "organ farms."

Basically, you splice heart DNA into a pig...the pig grows a human heart...pop it out, put it in your dad, and everybody's cool.

Now imagine a truck full of human organ pigs gets mixed up with a truck full of regular pigs. The wrong truck heads to the slaughterhouse and, badda bing, we've got a soylent green situation on our hands.

Great premise for a near-term-future-corporate-thriller. Weave in some criticism of the pharma industry, meat industry, and government...I smell academy.

Starring:

Roy Scheider as The CEO
William Ray Cyrus as The Farmer
Ethan Hawke as The Insider/Whistle Blower
John Goodman as The Senator
Van Damme as The Assassin

Jerry Orvillebacher's SPCU

2008-01-15T16:23:00.000-06:00

Another idea around my favorite snack. Fights crime with real movie theater butter!

CFL Lava Lamp

2008-01-15T11:28:00.000-06:00

Looks like a lava lamp. Lights up like a lava lamp.

But DOESN'T DO A FUCKING THING ONCE IT'S ON.

This is how this site will go down (ongoing)

2008-01-14T16:51:00.001-06:00

Round 1: Steve posts something incredible.

Round 2: Pony hates, demands post be retracted. Offers unconstructive, obtuse criticism.

Round 3: Steve pouts; things get generally emo.

Round 4: Pony realizes he may lose the only thing in his life he values: his quasi-homosexual relationship with Steve.

The First Internet Museum

2008-01-14T12:09:00.000-06:00

Image taken on January 13th, 2007.

Location: Carthage, Tennessee

Ground-breaking Ceremony Date: May of 1996

Projected Completion Date: August of 1999

Sponsors: Prodigy, AOL, Netscape Navigator, Hotbot.com, Microsoft's Windows '95

Current Status: Under Construction

Coffee-flavored Popping Corn

2008-01-14T09:50:00.001-06:00

I couldn't be the first person to come up with this...

A character from all of our lives

2008-01-14T09:49:00.001-06:00

Long haired, kinda greasy, works nights.

She told me it was,

"Mommy's new friend"

For the Man About Town

2008-01-14T09:48:00.001-06:00

Introducing Roundabout's "Top Down Ointment."

Sold by the proprietor in pots and perfect for these on-the-go times!

Future Bullet Proof Virgin

2008-01-11T09:42:00.001-06:00

glumbert - 12-year-old Vacuum Expert

Prove It, Asshole

2008-01-10T11:21:00.000-06:00

I INVENTED the expression, "JK all the way!!!"

The McArmy Incursion

2008-01-10T09:56:00.000-06:00

The struggle for power and the future of warfare is going to change. Corporations are extending their control past the economy as well as the world's governments. They are now global and depend on no single entity. They are constantly deploying forces everyday worldwide. 31,000 locations in over a 120 countries and nearly 500,000 employees is the might of just one these corporate powerhouses.

Plot: In the near future, giant corporations slowly and covertly merge together to begin their new strategy. Military industrial complexes acquire fast-food chains, car companies, and media outlets. They slowly start training their employees both physically and mentally. Then they take over the world.

Directed by: Tony Scott

Starring:
Christopher Walken - The CEO
Glenn Close - The CFO
Chris Cooper - The COO
Dale Dye - The Drill Sergent

"The day the slogan became a war cry."

Male Garter

2008-01-08T07:48:00.000-06:00

A foot-stirrup which attaches elastic bands, at one end, to the bottom of the shirt via suspender/alligator clamps, while the other end wraps around the heel of your foot.

The garter clips create a slight tension, keeping the dress shirt squarely tucked for the day ahead.

Self-Typing Keyboards

2008-01-07T19:55:00.000-06:00

Player piano technology meets the 21st century. These new keyboards use pneumatic mechanisms to depress the keys without your help. Using tracker tubes, the keyboard detects key holes from a roll of paper to determine what to type. Now you can watch in wonderment as your keyboard types out an email or posts an entry to your blog.

"Watch the keys dance before your eyes!"

Word of the Day

2008-01-07T16:42:00.000-06:00

Origins: Middle American, mid-2000's, undetermined.

Meaning:

Can

Usage:

"Heard your subprime lender shot your parents. Are you sure you can'tnt still pay them?"

Self-Perpetuating Social Network

2008-01-05T17:26:00.000-06:00

Start a social network that doesn't allow people, pets, the elderly, or even musicians. It makes its own. The site will create its own profiles, friend its own friends, and click its own banners. This will happen based on visitors linking, surfing, and talking about the site. Stalking and user generated content just got easier.

Logisitics:

Databases including first names, last names, interests, favorite movies and music, and other information will generate all new profiles randomly.
A new fake user profile will be created with every unique visitor.
That fake user will friend every third fake user profile that its unique visitor looks at.
Fake users will comment on their fake friends' walls and randomly change their profiles based on visits from real people.
Linking to any fake profile will generate "Fame" which will randomly select new friends every time the link is followed.
If any fake users see high rates of traffic between another fake user, they will become romantically linked as well as randomly unlinked.
Emails, IM names, and blogs will be given to the top 15% of fake users.
To control populations, one fourth of the profiles created every month will be deleted.
37% of the deleted profiles will create alter-egos which are duplicate profiles but different names.
The fake users will eventually hack the site and take it over.

"Move over MySpace, Facebook and all you other less important social networking sites. This here is the hottest new kind of site to join the ranks. It's also the fastest growing. 500 million users in two years isn't impossible anymore. New users are joining every second."

URL examples:

www.theirspace.com
www.automatedbook.com
www.notyourspacebookfacetube.com

Autostereograms with Braille

2008-01-04T19:06:00.000-06:00

See in 3D and now feel in it too.

"Once you've mastered the images with your eyes, go back and use your fingers and learn a whole new way to read. It's fun for all ages!"

Puzzle Wallpaper

2008-01-03T12:55:00.000-06:00

Think wall paper only instead of easy to apply strips from a roll, you get a stack of puzzle shaped pieces to try and fit together. This way you can turn any drab wall into something sort of awesome. Plus you can have fun doing it.

"Tired of those bland and confusing rolls of regular wallpaper? Need something to do on a rainy day that's productive AND fun? Try our new Puzzle-rific Randomly Shaped Puzzle Piece Wallpaper."

"You can turn any drab wall into a work of art and spend an entire week doing it! Then when you're done, removal will give you an extra challenge... at no additional charge!"

Explosionsandboobs.com

2008-01-01T19:11:00.000-06:00

Self explanatory.

www.explosionsandboobs.com

Website for Recovering Actors of Herpe Commercials

2007-12-31T20:10:00.000-06:00

Create a social site where actors and actresses, who've told millions they have herpes via commercials, a place to console one another. Articles on the site could include things like 'Dealing with friends and family' or 'You are not alone, hundreds of others share your pain'.

URL examples:

www.herpesactingout.com
www.tvherpesanonymous.com
www.everyoneneedsmoneysometimesorjustthatfirstbreak.com