Online Game: SimWebsite

Aspiring digital mavens, tycoons, and webmasters needn't wait any longer - we have the game for you: the latest addition to the simulation game crowd, SimWebsite, will have them building their very own online empire online.

Game Features:

• Choose from a variety of website categories including social network, video site, aggregator, search engine, and even blog
• Utilize content, design, developing, and advertising to increase your site's traffic
• View site statistics and user trends to determine what facets of your site need improvement
• Tackle various "virtual dilemmas" like hackers, server outages, user revolts, and more

"Build a website the way you've always wanted and watch it grow! Become a master of the web all from the comfort of your very own home. Visit our website to build your website, online, TODAY!!"

Dr. Lucky's Creative Electrolysis

When your Flickr account dries up, your pants can't get any tighter, and your tattoos are blending into the skinscape of greater Williamsburg, it's time to up the ante.

For the discerning expressionist seeking more than a mid 90s goatee or the Iron-and-Wine Beard, Dr. Lucky has a solution.

Our patented creative electrolysis process combines facial hair destruction and total-body-hair transplant to create a hair pattern uniquely yours.

A bottom-lip mustache? No problem. Vertical tear-trail beard? In less than an hour.

Our only boundary is your imagination!

Call for a free cancelltation: 1-900-MAN-FACE.

Credit Card Credit Card

Introducing the American Expense Black Hole Card. The first card designed specifically for balance transfers.

Why bother paying off the tens of thousands in credit debt you've accumulated? After all, you were never one to live within your means. Simply transfer the balance of your 11 other credit cards to your Black Hole Card, and go mindlessly about your exaggerated and financially dishonest lifestyle.


Call now or visit our website: www.nowitsallofamericascreditcrisis.com


*0% APR financing expires upon enrollment. May lead to complete, international economic destruction. All rights reserved.

Our Final Chapter

Earth's doomsday occurs millions of years before the first extraterrestrials arrive. The widespread devistation of all-out nuclear war leaves our planet devoid of nearly everything. There is no life of any kind left, the atmosphere is gone, and the Moon is now just an orbiting cloud of dust and debris. The new visitors arrive carrying a golden record expecting to find the beings who created it. Instead, the giant dead rock provides a few scant clues to the past. One thing, in particular, is a small box containing what appears to be a smaller record, silver in color and made out of plastic.

Plot: The only traces of humankind left behind after total annihilation are sparse ruins and the first season of the mid 90s underwater hit seaQuest DSV. Aliens who visit Earth are left to piece together and discover a dark and tragic past through 1096 minutes of action-packed primetime television. A hilarious and touching story of hidden eloquence, false pasts, and unlikely heros.

Directed by: Terry Gilliam

Starring:
Steve Buscemi as an alien
Tommy Lee Jones as an alien
Martha Plimpton as an alien
Sarah Jessica Parker as an alien
and
Danny DeVito as the alien child

"Beneath the surface lies the future's past."

Medical Waste Playground

The United States generates hundreds of thousands of tons of medical waste monthly. This includes sharp objects, such as syringes, scalpels, and catheters as well as bodily fluids, disease cultures, and "human tissue waste."

When I was a kid, we had sand as cushioning at our playground. Now that our beaches have eroded, we've turned to mulch or rubber. In our current carbon-obsessed world, these organic and fuel-based paddings will no longer suffice.

Let's kill two birds with one stone: prevent our medical waste from ending up somewhere it could be dangerous, like Coney Island, while protecting our children and preventing them from generating yet more garbage at a hospital if/when they fall.

The Reading Chamber

Hidden away from the bustle of your busy life, this quaint little lounge offers a a wide collection used books for patrons to read while enjoying any one of their deliciously overpriced drinks. All of the books at The Reading Chamber are donated, forgotten, or discarded by customers. So come in during the morning for coffee and stay the night over wine or whiskey. Just make sure you don't get too caught up in your book because they close at 2:00 AM and you have to leave the books there.

Weekly Specials:
Monday - Study Hour - Cheap ass pitchers of shitty beer
Tuesday - War and Peace (Tolstoy Tuesdays) - 2 for 1 vodka shots
Wednesday - Sea Tales - Top shelf rum specials
Thursday - Bad Romances - 1/2 priced bottles of wine
Friday - Fiction Freedom - 5 Glass whiskey flights

Word of the Day

Definition: The quality or state of being overall.